Resilient communities aren't the ones that avoid conflict. They're the ones that walk straight into it and come out closer on the other side.
When Diversity Tested Everything
I once lived in a remarkably diverse community that brought together people from every imaginable background. We had homeless individuals and multi-millionaires, every race and creed, Native Americans, European Americans, Asian Americans, East Indian and Persian Americans, and countless others creating a rich tapestry of human experience.
Our community included people who had joined because of our commitment to establishing racial justice, which is a core tenant. They had been oppressed and ignored by society and desperately wanted to find a community where they could find validation and appreciation for their struggles.
We also had elected leaders who tended to be in business, medicine, and technology. They had very different life experiences. Of course, racial justice was important, but so were all other aspects of running the complexities of community life. They were focused on efficiency and effectiveness, on having productive meetings so we could get on with our busy lives.
Over time, this created a major culture clash that required extensive consultation. Some members wanted to spend more time and resources on this most challenging of issues, while others were tyring to keep the lights on and the community running smoothly. It tested everyone's commitment to our shared values. But nobody walked away.
Turning Toward the Pain
The breakthrough came when the entire community chose to turn toward the pain rather than away from it. We conciously made time to let our longsuffering members bear witness to the deep scars they had experienced. We validated their struggles instead of dismissing them.
For so many souls who had spent their entire lives ignored and fogotten, this experience offered them a healing path forward alongside us. And for those of us who had lived very different lives, it taught us not to get defensive or dismissive of the hurt, but instead be open to the process of sharing, validation, and healing.
The business leaders had to learn to let go of efficiency for a while and sit with conversations that didn't have clean endings. The members who were hurting had to trust that the community actually wanted to hear them, even though they'd been dismissed before. Everyone had to get comfortable being uncomfortable. The process took months, if not years.
But the result was a community that could handle anything, because we had already been through the hardest thing together -- and stayed. We didn't become resilient despite our differences. We became resilient because of them.